Feeling Disconnected

I’m part of a trend and a growing trend at that. It’s not something I usually say, or even am aware of, because ‘trend’ typically imply some form of ‘fashion’ in my brain or is associated with words like ‘craze’ and ‘fad’. But there the truth is – I’m part of a trend.

It’s not something as severe as Quarter-Life Crisis because most of the time it doesn’t descend that far. It’s more of a… wallowing in uncertainty and delaying the terrifying nature of the future… kind of trend. There are all sorts of articles about it and it seems like the greater world in general has noticed something happening too. It’s clearly more fascinating discussing societal trends and potential problems partially concerning the familiar than reading about tragedies from another continent.

Personally, I would much prefer reading news stories, inspirational quotes or learning how to be a better boss (ha), but that’s just not how fascination works. Instead, I immerse myself in technology and updates and read articles from other people concerning my own uncertainty and the general indecisive nature of my… our… generation. Maybe we all hold hope that hidden somewhere in all the lines, there’s something that’ll spark an idea or an epiphany, something to give everyone a life-affirming goal. Wouldn’t it be easier if a person’s sole mission was to [insert life’s mission here. Be an astronaut, own an island, bring about world peace, save the planet…?]. So much easier. Or at least decisions would be easier to make.

I was speaking to a friend the other day about plans and planning and about life in general. He mentioned having short, medium and long-term plans. I know I don’t have a long-term plan and I’m still working on the medium-term one which involves travelling for perhaps 3 months. 3 months is medium-term, of course. For the short-term, I know where to have lunch today. Planned, and check! His short-term was a year.

I’m all bruised too from making mistakes I should have gotten out of my system before becoming a twentysomething. The evidence though is everywhere. I have patches of purple and I’m sore everywhere. When I wake up in the afternoon with my head about to explode and a good friend at the airport preparing to leave the country, I wonder if this is what life is all about. It’s can’t be, right? When I looked at this crossword, the three words I saw were love, power, and intelligence. Then I read “How I Know I Love You” and now I know there’s more to life. Twentysomethings just have to find it now… somehow, magically. Maybe starting with a plan.

We all love technology, I know I do, but maybe I blame it a little sometimes too, resent it just a little. It’s made life interesting, fast and difficult to keep up with. Information is racing and the truth is only the truth for a minute – before the page refreshes. Timing is everything, but what if we don’t like refreshing so quickly? What if we want to not be instantaneously informed the second before something happens? For sure I can’t do that because of a mental addiction to technology and tech won’t let anyone do that. A confession: I’ve only gotten twitter this year and proudly have more than 20 entire tweets. Even though it’s been such a short time, I can feel myself becoming absorbed, fascinated and generally inclined to… refresh. This must contribute to a short-attention span, shouldn’t it? Doesn’t it? Ice cream? I want a general plan for the long-term, I want to know where to go in the short/medium-term, but what’s suppose to happen when I’m addicted to the speed of information? Everyone and everything else is sprinting and I left my shoes back home. No one can run in sandals and I’m feeling disconnected.

Me, me, I, I, myself and my problems. But what else can I actually talk about with any sort of insight someone else doesn’t already have – hasn’t already written about? I don’t think I can, not at this point anyway. I can only go on rambles about lack of certainty and questions and how – omg – I’m part of a trend. Or I guess I can whine about… debt. How everyone and everything’s in debt. That’ll take days. I would ramble to someone in person, but people are scattered and then I’ll have no way to keep track of maybe, potentially, hopefully… how I’m maturing. How we’re all maturing. Yes, that must it. That’s what’s happening. I’m part of a transformation.

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