Disorientation

I have so many thoughts and feelings whirling around in my brain right now, so that it feels like… nothing. Which one should I focus on, which one should I follow, which one should I act upon, if any at all? It occurred to me maybe blogs were meant for moments like this when thoughts and feelings need to be put somewhere else and organized in something else, anything else, besides an aching, tired, completely spazzed out mind.

And yet I’m still rational/ocd/perfectionist/paranoid enough to re-read the paragraph I just typed. What if there was – dramatic pause – a typo somewhere? I bet that would screw over some blogsmic force so much that I’d type entries into word first before copy and pasting them over for fear of error, error with the loud blaring noise and the twirly seizure-inducing lights.

So I haven’t had nearly enough sleep since Thursday (Monday evening now) which may have prompted this state (or lack thereof) of mind. Normally, sleep is a very important part of my life, one which takes up close to 8 productive, wonderful hours a day. The average since Thursday if I include naps and sleep-with-eyes-open-at-work-dazes comes to maybe… 4 hours? There’s a variety of reasons, many of which include the alsubstance. But it’s always great to be around friends, you know?

…Versus returning to my little apartment with an angry old lady downstairs who is stalking me by pouncing out of her door every time I pass to complain about water leaking through her roof. She yammers and insists I go see all the damage for myself and mentioned ‘compensation’. I’ve tried to be polite, taken short showers, but I still can’t help wondering if she has any electronics that needs to be compensated for or anything not deeply buried in water-proof plastic bags. The landlord and I need words. I’d rather get my wisdom teeth pulled out.

My bike is a brighter note though, much brighter. It’s blue and has ‘wolf’ written on it. I can’t tell if naming it Wolfie will make it sound like an adorable predator in the making or another way of saying ‘nice dog’ to a beast who’s about to strike. Not that I worry about Beijing traffic and getting into an accident because my bike (clearly it’s the fault of the inanimate object) is too aggressive. Maybe Wolfster is better. Ending words with -ster just makes them sound more hip/chill/funny. Unless it’s the case of Harpster[1] which just makes me think of a terrible bastard child between a harpy and this guy:

“Yo.”

And there’s England v. France tonight. So not contributing to my sleep average.


[1] It sounds better than Harperster.