It’s August 1st. Oh, my goodness, it’s August 1st.
Since the last update, I have waded through water past my knees on the streets of Beijing, been hit by a suddenly opened car door while biking, saw both an uncle and a cousin whom I’ve not seen in ages, said goodbye to more people leaving Beijing than I’d like to remember and discovered almost every Chinese person, from the grocer outside my xiaoqu to colleagues, tune in tirelessly to the Olympics.
As it continues to rain outside for the fourth straight day, I sit and wonder why I haven’t put more thoughts to keyboard, why I haven’t done all those things I’ve wanted to do and why I haven’t recovered yet from a cough that has plagued me for weeks. Weeks. Maybe I just don’t lie to myself enough. More likely, I have too many inhibitions when it comes to acting, moving, gathering effort and generally doing stuff. It’s much, much easier to sit and ponder how to perfectly structure a sentence which will never see the light of day than to actually putting words down in writing (in type). I had this idea that a doodle would accompany every post here, but after the one I drew about drowning in Beijing disappeared before I scanned it, the doodle idea seems to have inhibited rather than encouraged the blog. Now ramblings about the necessity of gun control laws, issues with Beijing infrastructure and lack of information, hope for humanity, how the Olympics are filled with 90sbabies, the problems with financial capitalism and whatever else I found interesting will all go unheard. Tragic, I know. Once something has hit the ‘week-old-news’ mark, that’s it! No more caring. The end. NEXT.
It doesn’t seem like any time has passed but at the same time, SO MUCH has happened in less than three weeks. Sleep, eat, blink, month passes, sleep, year passes, blink. Story of my life.
Dear Self, Have more motivation. Pay attention to details. Stop sitting, staring, wasting away and think. Put thought to words and remember them, take note of them. Stop bookmarking articles you’ll never read. Talk to people, real people. Type to people, vaguely real people half a world away. Reply to emails, texts, messages, phone calls, emails, texts and messages. Tell people you care about that you care about them. Read a news article in Chinese. Eat breakfast! Get your nails done. Cook something at home. Use a calender. Be more organized. Set a goal. Imagine life and be the person you want to be.